i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
