I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
