I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
