Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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