I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
