OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
