I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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