Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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