She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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