i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
