Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Holy shit dude........stairs
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