just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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