I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
