u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
