Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm just crazy horny about you
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
