Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
