lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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