she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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