DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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