I bet he comes in French.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
