ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
