They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
