he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I need a burrito and a hug.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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