WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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