ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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