4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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