i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
