i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
