it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
