I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
