If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
