Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
