Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
