this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
