I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
