i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
