Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
