Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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