Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
