i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
