Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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