So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
