I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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