at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
