Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
