Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
