I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
