Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
