Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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