They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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