and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
