My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
