Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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